Man, haven't blogged in ages. So what's been happening eh?! Oh you know. Still on sick leave. And to add to the list of thnigs I can't eat anymore.
1. Eggs
2. Soybeans
3. Tofu
4. Beef
5. Crabs
6. Prawns
7. That green vegie that's long and skinny
So, pretty much something I can do, except that I didn't find out the top 3 until yesterday.
Been having super weird dreams.
No, none of the being pushed over by a cliff by a close friend and then having him trying to pull me up.
More along the lines of this though.
I got caught by my doctor for the money i obtained from selling the bones that I stole from the museum.
I had to make a public apology and when I got on stage.
I argued that I really needed the money and that I didn't even get that much for the bones. Even I knew that stealing was wrong, and I couldn't stop myself from doing that.
Also dreamt about the number 8.
Cool Huh? No. Not Really Annie G.
Realise that I have been doing a big loop. And now that the damage is done, I can't really go back and change them.
I like my friends brother. Who is also an ex's best friend. And I know that even though something could happen for us, it never will. because he will always choose him over me. That kinda hurts when you're that realistic.
Plus, I can just imagine what people would say about me.
Gosh, first him, now his best friend? Are there no guys left in the world Annie?
She's just dating him to get closer to her ex.
And I know that everytime he looks into my eyes, holds me, or kisses me, he will focus on my past. Plus, I think he likes someone else.
Man, when did this start becoming so complicated.
Maybe I'm just in overdrive or something.
Which brings me to this.
I found myself wishing that I was the typical stupid girl. The type of girl that goes out and gets drunk, does drugs, smokes, hooks up with guys to get over her ex.
But I have so much of this pride and integrity, that I can't ever see myself doing something like that. It's like I'm being faithful when I don't have anything to hold onto anymore.
Then I realised. That one day, if I am lucky enough. I will eventually find him, or he will find me, I don't mind either way. And whoever it is, the first time we look into each other's eyes, hold each other's hands, draw eac other in with our kiss, that it would be so amazing, and how I would never ever have to doubt that he loves me, I would never have to compete with anything else in his life.
Man, I've been so wrong so many times before. The one time that I thought that something was worth fighting for, I fought for it. And stupid just keeps slamming me in the face over and over again. The one time that I didn't chicken out and quit.
So what I've learnt is that things don't always go according to plan, and they are almost definitely always indefinitely definite.
Found out someone I really looked up to when I was younger is having her second baby 6 months after she had her first one.
I didn't know how to react to that. I honestly really want her to be happy, but I have my doubts as to whether or not this is what she wanted. And she is one of the toughest girls I know, so if she can't control all these factors in her life, can I?
The thing I'm most definite about, I'm going to be no longer definite about? Its almost like someone is just trying to prove me wrong to spite me.
I know its not like that, I'm just exaggerating.
Too depressing for my own good.
Listening to Echo - Claude Kelly.
'an all I hear in my head is an echo woah.
- Manual lessons (2) has been awesome. From 30 stalls in the first lesson, to 2 on Sunday.
No gloating Annie, no gloating.
