Annie Kooky Duong?
No.
Then why did you state that in your Blog Title?
Cause Kooky is my middle name.
But I thought...
---
Just thought I'd list some things I want to accomplish this year. I especially don't like goal setting during this time of the year, when everyone is hyped up about losing weight just because TBL is on, be realistic, not caught up in the moment. I don't like to set goals, but I like lists.
So here's another one.
1. Bodybuilding
2. Roller Derby
3. Volleyball
4. Master how to dance hip hop / shuffle.
5. Master how to tune cars
6. Master how to Fish
7. Master accounting
8. Learn about the Law
9. Purchase a Business
10. Personal Training Part Time
11. Master Bartending
12. Master to how to make good coffee
13. Grow my hair
14. Travel HK/ England/Ireland/Germany/Canada/Korea/Japan (for car parts of course :))
15. Teach English
16. Go temple more frequently
17. Melbourne & Sydney
18. Own an EP3
Yes, MASTER not LEARN, set your goal that high, fall off on your way up , and I'll kick you some more when you're down.
Oh I haven't finished kicking. Not yet.
Thats the extent of my list.
This beat is crazy, this guy, a-mazing.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tomo the Homo
Don't judge me, I'm only Human.
I cannot resist the whole, I don't really smile kinda guy, who always fixes little bits of his hair, who has an expression you can't read but you can tell he just woke up and how he smiles with his eyes and never shows his teeth......i'm such a sucker.
Here he is, the love of my life, who can also, drumroll please! SING!
Korean dudes...ahhhhh *wipes that little bit of drool away*
I never ever EVER thought I'd write anything about this. But here I am, swept by guys with long hair, girly muscles and smiling eyes.
So my sister tells me, " Hey! This guy looks like ... you should totally check him out, his name isTomo." Who I like to call, Homo, because it rhymes.
I think he's cute in his quirky little ways, he's not super hot or good looking, but I love quirks :)
Yes, I have conformed to being a super teeny boper kid who likes hello kitty, scratch that hello kitty bit...
Taking it easy before I head into the hosp. again, Korean Drama Time! Oh Yeah!
.....my goodness what have I become?
So my sister tells me, " Hey! This guy looks like ... you should totally check him out, his name isTomo." Who I like to call, Homo, because it rhymes.
I think he's cute in his quirky little ways, he's not super hot or good looking, but I love quirks :)
Yes, I have conformed to being a super teeny boper kid who likes hello kitty, scratch that hello kitty bit...
Taking it easy before I head into the hosp. again, Korean Drama Time! Oh Yeah!
.....my goodness what have I become?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
So? You think you can eat man?
It has officially started guys. The wait is over. The Man eating comp begins as of today. Good luck to you all. I'm going to win....hehehehe!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I remember
I remember the first time I met him, I thought to myself ew. :)
I remember admiring his ability to construct a sentence that led me to notice his extensive vocabulary.
I remember receiving a text from him asking "are you here yet?"
I remember feeling warm inside when I received that very text message.
I remember him telling me, Welcome to Melbourne, and my cousins and sister burst out in giggles.
I remember admiring the intonation of his voice.
I remember stumbling over my words because I was so nervous around him.
I remember thinking that he was only being friendly, and that he had no interest in me at all.
I remember ticking off decent dress sense on my list.
I remember being addicted to his scent.
I remembered when he slid his hand across my waist.
I remembered screaming out, DON"T JAY WALK! And I did so myself anyway, feeling like a complete criminal.
I remember him asking me if I wanted a hug, and I said no because I thought he was being friendly and thoughtful, and later, I found out that he was about to tell me then that he liked me.
I remember, seated on a bar stool, while I watched him play pool.
I remember him asking me, YOU DON"T KNOW RAIN?! Who is that anyway? :p
I remember when he asked me, Can I tell you something?
I remember that I replied with, What?
I remember him whispering to me, I really like you.
I remember feeling safe in his arms.
I remember 'the I'm gonna kiss you now move'
I remember I chickened out.
I remember being glad that it was him I shared my first kiss with.
I remember him fixing my hair.
I remember smiling to myself all the way home.
I remember the text, are you home yet?
I remember him telling me things I didn't know about him, because he wanted to be honest with me.
I remember loving him even more, rather than being driven away.
I remember being angry because he could never stay on the line for too long.
I remember when I arrived in Brisbane, he was the first person I called.
I remember him telling me, it doesn't matter where we go, I just want to see you. But we're not going shopping. :D
I remember when he had to bail, and later on received his call to come and pick him up.
I remember the moment I saw him, I thought to myself, that this whole thing was a dream, and he was about to wake me up by telling me it was a hype of the moment impulse.
I remember asking him if he missed me while hugging him so hard, I'm pretty sure he struggled to breathe.
I remember him whispering to me, like crazy.
I remember, all I could think about was him.
I remember going to buy tea for us to spend time together on Saturday.
I remember him being late.
I remember crying to myself, and telling myself that I would never let him do this to me again.
I remember admiring his ability to communicate with my friend while I was in the back seat.
I remember, feeling so lucky that I had someone who loved and cared about me.
I remember when he told me that it was over.
I remember when I begged and pleaded, and he still left me.
I remember trying to wipe the slate clean, and still he accused me of something I
didn't do.
I remember my heart being ripped out and slammed the moment he told me that it was over.
I remember when I cried every night continuously because I didn't know what it was that I did wrong.
I remember hating myself for being so vulnerable, gullible and faithful in our relationship.
I remember laughing and crying at the same time because I didn't know how or what I was suppose to feel.
I remember dragging myself into work late everyday with no purpose.
I remember hoping that THIS was all a dream.
I remember continuing to struggle without him in my life, going to weddings on my own, going to eat out on my own, people asking me if I'm single, answering yes when a that wasn't the case a few weeks back.
I remember feeling so ashamed and embarrassed because I was so stupid to believe that I could have had something so wonderful going for me. For the first time, I thought it was possible for someone to love me for all the right reasons.
I remember the biopsy that I had to go through, and how much , everything is going to be ok, coming from him would have made it less painful.
I remember getting my test results back.
I remember my doctor telling me you have cancer.
I remember having no reaction to the news because I didn't know how to react, and I didn't want to cry, because crying solves NOTHING.
I remember crying in my car on the way home.
I remember drying it all up as soon as I hit the front door, pretending that everything was OK.
I remember just dragging myself to my room and crying again.
And the day after that.
I remember not wanting to be a burden, or to have people fuss over me, or get upset because of the news I have given them.
I remember suffering all by myself.
I remember telling myself that I have no right to cry, and then cried anyway.
I remember trying to be tough, but cried again.
I remember getting annoyed at myself for crying, and there was nothing I can do to stop it, my hormones controlled me now, not my conscious.
I remember heading into surgery, Cindy & Mum woke up at 6 am to go with me.
I remember my that I made my surgeon laugh.
I remember someone calling my name and I was wheeled into my room, with my mum just gawking at me, and I gave her a wave with my free arm.
I remember Cindy & Mum telling me that they found great bargains in the city, and that they also got SABA jeans for me.
I remember laughing because I thought it was so cute.
I remember wishing that he was there the moment I woke up.
I remember that he worked not too far away.
I remember how nice the nurses were to me.
I remember thinking of him every time I was in pain, struggled to breathe, or had needles pierced through my skin over and over again.
I remember the day I was released, is that the right word? released? I wished it was him that picked me up with my mum.
TBC - :):)
I remember admiring his ability to construct a sentence that led me to notice his extensive vocabulary.
I remember receiving a text from him asking "are you here yet?"
I remember feeling warm inside when I received that very text message.
I remember him telling me, Welcome to Melbourne, and my cousins and sister burst out in giggles.
I remember admiring the intonation of his voice.
I remember stumbling over my words because I was so nervous around him.
I remember thinking that he was only being friendly, and that he had no interest in me at all.
I remember ticking off decent dress sense on my list.
I remember being addicted to his scent.
I remembered when he slid his hand across my waist.
I remembered screaming out, DON"T JAY WALK! And I did so myself anyway, feeling like a complete criminal.
I remember him asking me if I wanted a hug, and I said no because I thought he was being friendly and thoughtful, and later, I found out that he was about to tell me then that he liked me.
I remember, seated on a bar stool, while I watched him play pool.
I remember him asking me, YOU DON"T KNOW RAIN?! Who is that anyway? :p
I remember when he asked me, Can I tell you something?
I remember that I replied with, What?
I remember him whispering to me, I really like you.
I remember feeling safe in his arms.
I remember 'the I'm gonna kiss you now move'
I remember I chickened out.
I remember being glad that it was him I shared my first kiss with.
I remember him fixing my hair.
I remember smiling to myself all the way home.
I remember the text, are you home yet?
I remember him telling me things I didn't know about him, because he wanted to be honest with me.
I remember loving him even more, rather than being driven away.
I remember being angry because he could never stay on the line for too long.
I remember when I arrived in Brisbane, he was the first person I called.
I remember him telling me, it doesn't matter where we go, I just want to see you. But we're not going shopping. :D
I remember when he had to bail, and later on received his call to come and pick him up.
I remember the moment I saw him, I thought to myself, that this whole thing was a dream, and he was about to wake me up by telling me it was a hype of the moment impulse.
I remember asking him if he missed me while hugging him so hard, I'm pretty sure he struggled to breathe.
I remember him whispering to me, like crazy.
I remember, all I could think about was him.
I remember going to buy tea for us to spend time together on Saturday.
I remember him being late.
I remember crying to myself, and telling myself that I would never let him do this to me again.
I remember admiring his ability to communicate with my friend while I was in the back seat.
I remember, feeling so lucky that I had someone who loved and cared about me.
I remember when he told me that it was over.
I remember when I begged and pleaded, and he still left me.
I remember trying to wipe the slate clean, and still he accused me of something I
didn't do.
I remember my heart being ripped out and slammed the moment he told me that it was over.
I remember when I cried every night continuously because I didn't know what it was that I did wrong.
I remember hating myself for being so vulnerable, gullible and faithful in our relationship.
I remember laughing and crying at the same time because I didn't know how or what I was suppose to feel.
I remember dragging myself into work late everyday with no purpose.
I remember hoping that THIS was all a dream.
I remember continuing to struggle without him in my life, going to weddings on my own, going to eat out on my own, people asking me if I'm single, answering yes when a that wasn't the case a few weeks back.
I remember feeling so ashamed and embarrassed because I was so stupid to believe that I could have had something so wonderful going for me. For the first time, I thought it was possible for someone to love me for all the right reasons.
I remember the biopsy that I had to go through, and how much , everything is going to be ok, coming from him would have made it less painful.
I remember getting my test results back.
I remember my doctor telling me you have cancer.
I remember having no reaction to the news because I didn't know how to react, and I didn't want to cry, because crying solves NOTHING.
I remember crying in my car on the way home.
I remember drying it all up as soon as I hit the front door, pretending that everything was OK.
I remember just dragging myself to my room and crying again.
And the day after that.
I remember not wanting to be a burden, or to have people fuss over me, or get upset because of the news I have given them.
I remember suffering all by myself.
I remember telling myself that I have no right to cry, and then cried anyway.
I remember trying to be tough, but cried again.
I remember getting annoyed at myself for crying, and there was nothing I can do to stop it, my hormones controlled me now, not my conscious.
I remember heading into surgery, Cindy & Mum woke up at 6 am to go with me.
I remember my that I made my surgeon laugh.
I remember someone calling my name and I was wheeled into my room, with my mum just gawking at me, and I gave her a wave with my free arm.
I remember Cindy & Mum telling me that they found great bargains in the city, and that they also got SABA jeans for me.
I remember laughing because I thought it was so cute.
I remember wishing that he was there the moment I woke up.
I remember that he worked not too far away.
I remember how nice the nurses were to me.
I remember thinking of him every time I was in pain, struggled to breathe, or had needles pierced through my skin over and over again.
I remember the day I was released, is that the right word? released? I wished it was him that picked me up with my mum.
TBC - :):)
Monday, January 11, 2010
I love.
I love that he was an educated speaker. Not just any ordinary educated speaker, but one that paid attention to detail, the very fine detail. How the word is spelt, and when to use it in a sentence, and what other words is suitable together and words that should never EVER be used colloquially. I don't fall in love with words that are scripted, or even cliched. I admire when a gentlemen can string a sentence together that sounds like it came from a book written by a very very talented author. Instead of the commoner, that abuses these words.
So that's what I admiringly love. Words that aren't common, words that tells me that this gentlemen, have read novels, and has adapted the language of the written word.
That's why I loved An Education & The Blind Side. And a man who never takes his words lightly and lives by them.
I love. Because I admire.
So that's what I admiringly love. Words that aren't common, words that tells me that this gentlemen, have read novels, and has adapted the language of the written word.
That's why I loved An Education & The Blind Side. And a man who never takes his words lightly and lives by them.
I love. Because I admire.
FLAWS FLAWS FLAWS
I was never able to see his flaws. I establish in my mind that he was perfect, that there was nothing he was incapable of and that he was invincible. Just how I view Cindy, and how others view me. People thought we were invincible, we're not, but we try to appear so. We’re only human, and we definitely have flaws. Some flaws, more visible then others, while other flaws are quietly hidden away, and when the moment gets tough, the tough pulls these flaws out and use it as a shield.
I created someone who was perfect in my imagination. I took one quality, and magnified it by a hundred folds and then added other qualities that could be linked to it. Cause ya know, I’m a linker baby ;) .
This is unfair on the other person because it puts immense pressure onto them to be something that they do not yet possess, but because it is so realistic in my mind, there is no question as to why they cannot possess such a quality.
BIG X NO. 1.
Accept that your partner/parent/friend/sibling is imperfect. Don't raise the bar too high and then entice them to jump that bar when they have had no training beforehand.
It is unrealistic, and unfair.
Enjoying being single for all the right reasons.
Annie - G
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Hush Hush.
So here I am again, writing and still feeling as stupid and pathetic as ever. It seems to be a never ending thing doesn't it?
So here's all the bits and pieces leading up til now.
I was at work the other day, and couldn't even lift a box of paper. For all of you who know me well, you would know that I am very masculine, or at least, try to be as much as possible. You know, I'm the type of guy that doesn't ask for directions, lift heavy things because I think asking for help would make me look weak, carry my own stuff, never ask for help, I have this pride issue, my word is pretty much my life and I try to show other guys that just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean that I can't do anything or everything that they can. I am either a super fast learner or a super super slow one, and I learn things easily when they are complicated or I can connect them up using my own analogies.
And then, once in awhile, there's this girl side of me that comes out and screams, I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl. And I don't mind being a girl, I just mind the fact that it makes me so weak as a human being. When I need assistance with lifting something, I cry, I overthink, I like it when a guy is overprotective of me, I like being noticed, I use my charming qualities to its highest peak. I never used to be so reliant on anyone, until my surgery. Even I know now that my body is much much weaker, but I don't want anyone to see that. As a guy would say, it feels like I've lost one of my balls.
Hmm, been learning a lot lately. Writing in my iphone because I haven't been able to get to a computer, I'll just copy and past it here because I am super super tired...& depressed. Oh you heard me, depressed. I've been knocked down so many times, its so hard to get up, but I know that I eventually have to. Man I need a good slap in the face. Probably not one, but a few more.
---
I saw him that night. A part of me knew it was going to happen.
He looked at me with the same intensity he always does.
My fear kicked in, my heart started to race. The memories of me begging him not to leave came flooding back into my mind.
My dad is the future him.
I should be happy, happy that he let me go.
The perfect tony has always been my own creation in my mind and he doesn't exist. He only exists in my imagination.
I've learnt alot more from this crushing blow than any other. I've learnt to hold my tongue, I've learnt how to be clever with my words, I've learnt the expressionless hard to read look, I smile less, I am more cautious, I have traded in my ability to love, I can't imagine myself married to anyone if I can't love them like I loved him, no conditions , no fear.
He was the first partner I ever shared a kiss with. Before that, I never knew what it was like to kiss your boyfriend for the first time. Maybe thats why its so hard for me.
I will never say yes to a guy anymore, no matter how right it feels. They will lose interest if I don't give in, and they'll give up pursueing me. I might miss out on a wonderful relationship, but I fear it now , I don't want to ever beg again. I don't want to ever try.
I focus on taking care of my parents now, and my grandma. It's about time I grew up.
It's only going to get rougher from now on.
I've given up on love.
Where was he when I was in hospital. He was modding his car. It still hurts every time I read it.
If a guy doesn't realize how lucky he is to have you in his life everyday, he doesn't deserve you.
When will I truly believe that?
---
Today I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel like I've been set free, after months of personal torture of my emotions. Don't know if this is a new beginning for me or something even worse is yet to come. I know now that, I do not rely on my feelings anymore, and am now even more realistic then ever,words are chosen carefully, and now have now become an observer. I've finally accepted that some things were never meant for my control or my decision. Nothing I can say or do will change what has already been said and done.
I just don't believe in anything anymore. I wish I still had some hope to hold onto. But now, I'm just an empty person walking around, not even looking for help anymore because I believe that all has been lost.
Everyone has their motive , and I don't want to experience the pain I have in the last 5 months of my life.
I am lucky to be alive. And it's about time I start looking after my parents.
I need to be strong, even though my body is weak. No. I have to be stronger than ever, even though its just a front.
So that's it for me today! I'm going to watch AVATAR in 3D now.
Also a good movie. The Blind Side.
Oh, and welcome to 2010.
mcfannygizer.
So here's all the bits and pieces leading up til now.
I was at work the other day, and couldn't even lift a box of paper. For all of you who know me well, you would know that I am very masculine, or at least, try to be as much as possible. You know, I'm the type of guy that doesn't ask for directions, lift heavy things because I think asking for help would make me look weak, carry my own stuff, never ask for help, I have this pride issue, my word is pretty much my life and I try to show other guys that just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean that I can't do anything or everything that they can. I am either a super fast learner or a super super slow one, and I learn things easily when they are complicated or I can connect them up using my own analogies.
And then, once in awhile, there's this girl side of me that comes out and screams, I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl. And I don't mind being a girl, I just mind the fact that it makes me so weak as a human being. When I need assistance with lifting something, I cry, I overthink, I like it when a guy is overprotective of me, I like being noticed, I use my charming qualities to its highest peak. I never used to be so reliant on anyone, until my surgery. Even I know now that my body is much much weaker, but I don't want anyone to see that. As a guy would say, it feels like I've lost one of my balls.
Hmm, been learning a lot lately. Writing in my iphone because I haven't been able to get to a computer, I'll just copy and past it here because I am super super tired...& depressed. Oh you heard me, depressed. I've been knocked down so many times, its so hard to get up, but I know that I eventually have to. Man I need a good slap in the face. Probably not one, but a few more.
---
I saw him that night. A part of me knew it was going to happen.
He looked at me with the same intensity he always does.
My fear kicked in, my heart started to race. The memories of me begging him not to leave came flooding back into my mind.
My dad is the future him.
I should be happy, happy that he let me go.
The perfect tony has always been my own creation in my mind and he doesn't exist. He only exists in my imagination.
I've learnt alot more from this crushing blow than any other. I've learnt to hold my tongue, I've learnt how to be clever with my words, I've learnt the expressionless hard to read look, I smile less, I am more cautious, I have traded in my ability to love, I can't imagine myself married to anyone if I can't love them like I loved him, no conditions , no fear.
He was the first partner I ever shared a kiss with. Before that, I never knew what it was like to kiss your boyfriend for the first time. Maybe thats why its so hard for me.
I will never say yes to a guy anymore, no matter how right it feels. They will lose interest if I don't give in, and they'll give up pursueing me. I might miss out on a wonderful relationship, but I fear it now , I don't want to ever beg again. I don't want to ever try.
I focus on taking care of my parents now, and my grandma. It's about time I grew up.
It's only going to get rougher from now on.
I've given up on love.
Where was he when I was in hospital. He was modding his car. It still hurts every time I read it.
If a guy doesn't realize how lucky he is to have you in his life everyday, he doesn't deserve you.
When will I truly believe that?
---
Today I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel like I've been set free, after months of personal torture of my emotions. Don't know if this is a new beginning for me or something even worse is yet to come. I know now that, I do not rely on my feelings anymore, and am now even more realistic then ever,words are chosen carefully, and now have now become an observer. I've finally accepted that some things were never meant for my control or my decision. Nothing I can say or do will change what has already been said and done.
I just don't believe in anything anymore. I wish I still had some hope to hold onto. But now, I'm just an empty person walking around, not even looking for help anymore because I believe that all has been lost.
Everyone has their motive , and I don't want to experience the pain I have in the last 5 months of my life.
I am lucky to be alive. And it's about time I start looking after my parents.
I need to be strong, even though my body is weak. No. I have to be stronger than ever, even though its just a front.
So that's it for me today! I'm going to watch AVATAR in 3D now.
Also a good movie. The Blind Side.
Oh, and welcome to 2010.
mcfannygizer.
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