Life is not Definite

Over the pass few months, I have been wallowing in self pity, feeling sorry for myself, contemplating never dating again and re-igniting my relationship with God again.

If there is one thing that I am definite about it is that I'm definite. Completely and unquestionably.

Is this a bad thing? Maybe it wouldn't be so if I was right a higher number of times then previously.

I had to learn to admit that I can be wrong. It was hard to admit that I was wrong about something I was so definite about.

But maybe I'm definite because I need certainty. I don't want to be left in the dark, I don't want to be the last to know, I want knowledge and I want people to stop protecting me.

I just keep assuming, and I always think I'm right. How can I be wrong about something I was definite and certain about?

It sucks when you are so definite that you don't want to admit that you're wrong, because how can you be wrong if you were definite?

I am so glad that what I thought was the best thing that ever happened to me was pried from my firm grip. I was still holding on and dragging myself along even though ttran tries to kick and pry me off. I am so stubborn.

I really hope that it did teach me something though. I still am quite confused as to what the lesson was. Because I think to myself, why do bad things always happen to me?

But in truth, who said good things were meant to happen to you? Who said that life was meant to be fair? Who said that ?

Just because you're a good person, and you do the right thing, most of the times the harder choice, doesn't necessarily mean that bad things won't happen to you.

Maybe the lesson I'm meant to learn is about developing my relationship with God before I develop any committment to a guy.

Maybe God, wants me to fall in love with him, without conditions, without reason, without compromise, before he gives me anything else.

I want to fall madly, deeply in love with God.

And I want my life story, to be one that has Him written all in it.

And I don't want to love a guy who doesn't love God. I want my husband to be a man after God's heart.

I am not here to please anyone else.

This is a messy post. Will clean it up later.

Ciao Readers.