Never leave all your eggs in one basket.

Wow, its been almost 2 and a half months.

I feel alot more refreshed now then I did about a week ago. It just hit me all at once, work, friends, ttran and stress. I broke down and cried in the car again. It really hurted. And it was definitely painful.

I really wanted to run to ttran, and just be in his arms after a rough rough day. But it was silly to think that was even possible for me.

I felt so stupid and pathetic and I really wanted to throw myself under a bus. The pain I felt like it would never end. It was consistent and it was horrible. My throat closed up because of my illness.

That's the other thing. I am really sick, and I thought that if I had ttran to support me, everything would be OK.

I wish I had ttran to go out and eat with, go bowling, long drives and sundays together.

I thought he would never leave me, as a partner and a friend.

I put all of my eggs into one basket, and he knocked it out of my hands.

Its a sudden shock, and sometimes still so hard to believe. I trusted him completely without any questions, or conditions, because my love was child like.

So when he knocked it out of my hands, imagine me just standing there, completely dumbfounded and surprised at the same time.

And then, came denial. That didn't happen, That didn't happen. That didn't happen. No.

Then, the questions.

Why would he do that if he really loved me?

What did I do wrong?

Then the excuses.

Maybe he loves me too much.

He's had a rough day.

I must have said something really hurtful.

Then I start blaming myself.

Its all my fault.

I left all the eggs in one basket, and when he knocked it out of my hands, I refused to believe that it had happened. But, the broken eggs signify that some things can't be mended, recovered or recreated in the exact.

I've learnt that people will break promises, but I believe everything anyone tells me.

I've learnt that people will be dishonest, but why would they lie to me?

I've learnt that people will put themselves first, but I still can't be selfish.

I can't believe that its possible for me to be happy without him. But I am.

Becoming stronger.