Its OK to be Human

I burst into tears again on Sunday night. I was in the car with Annie, and we were talking about The Mist, and we got onto the topic of personal character and how lucky we are that we don't go to bed hungry and cold every night.

I slowed the car down, and tears streamed down my face as I showed my struggle with ttran.

I felt terrible that Annie had to see me cry. I felt like a terrible friend because all I ever did was talk about my struggles and myself. I felt so selfish as Annie put her arms around me and tried to soothe me down.

In amongst the tears, I told her how much I've been struggling with ttran, I didn't deserve this and that I don't know whether or not I can keep going. I wanted to be the girl that couldn't feel anything, the girl I was before, the girl that was numb until I met him and he re-ignited all my senses.

I cried because I know that he wasn't struggling like me. I cried because I thought that he was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I continued to cry because that was so far out of reach for me.

Annie comforted me, and told me that I was only human and that we all make mistakes, sometimes more so than the average. She told me that he wasn't the right guy, cause if he was, he wouldn't have got up and left me. She told me that I don't want to go back to being the Annie I was before I met him, because if it wasn't him, it was going to be some other guy who would re-ignite all my senses.

She told me that some of us are lucky enough to find the one person that we were going to be with for the rest of our lives, others, like myself continue to struggle.

He wasn't the right guy and I kept insisting that he was, when it was getting me nowhere.

I told Annie that I've been through this before, and why did it take so long for me to forget him.

She told me that it was the first time I was serious, and the first time that I was willing to give up everything, the first time that I knew that this was it.

That I'm only human, and I can't just expect to get over him instantly like a Robot. I'm only human and I need to give myself some time to heal. Stop thinking about him and what it could have been.

But I had it all mapped out.

Then make a new map.

I think that's enough from me today.

I need to give myself some time to heal and make a new map, without him.

"The worse thing you can do is to hold onto something that is gone, or try to re-create it."